So this post today is something of a confession to what I do and also to what closet weirdo's do. Please don't take offence, I am merely just stating a fact that people don't really want to say this out loud, or indeed write or blog, because well... it's kind of embarrassing.
The other day on facebook a friend posted something about changing direction in a street. Now we all have those moments while walking, when we either go in the wrong direction or find ourselves lost and need to turn around. Well I don't know about you but I get so embarrassed when I have just walked down a road, find out I have got lost and I know I have to turn around and go back the way I came... Don't ask me why I get embarrassed but my face flushes red, my palms sweat and I feel like there's a neon sign over my head saying, "This girl is an idiot, she went the wrong way, everyone stare and point and laugh at her". Bit excessive? Well yes, but that is how I feel.
So how do I combat this embarrassing moment of having to change direction? I use the trusty mobile phone of course. I pretend someone is calling me, I flip out the phone and loudly say, "Oh hey, you're in town? Oh I'm not far away from you. Hang on, I'll be there in a minute. Ok bye!" Putting the phone down, it gives me a good reason to now turn around and head back the way I came without looking like a fool.
I then ask myself, why did I just do that? What was the need? I remember once talking to a housemate some years ago and he said, "You have a right to walk in any direction you want, don't be so stupid. Who cares if anyone sees you change direction?" And it got me thinking, though normally I wouldn't care about what people think of me, it's those weird moments that you've seen people do on the street and you judge them in seconds!
When I was younger, maybe 15/16 I saw this guy walking towards me, he then stopped, turned around, walked five paces, turned around again and came towards me. His head snapped up and looked right at me as if to say, "What are you looking at?" and I can remember thinking, "What a pillock, doesn't he know where he's going?" How judgmental of me! It didn't occur to me at the time if had something important on his mind or he was worried about something, I just automatically assumed that he was a complete numpty for not knowing where he was going.
Because of this incident, I have always felt embarrassed walking in the wrong direction and it's reflected on my driving.
I don't drive recklessly, my father, who is a driving instructor, taught me how to drive. So I'm a pretty good driver, but I shall be honest and say I have done some stupid things. Not breaking the law things, but this one junction I came to, I had to turn right and when I did I went all the the way around the bollard just to the right (I nearly ended up on the pavement because the bollard wasn't supposed to be driven around.) How blond was I! And then I ended up ducking in my seat driving home as I didn't want people staring at me.
|The bollard in question. While others bypassed it, just cutting past it on the right, I went around it... ><|
When I get lost on the road, I panic. I hate getting lost and I hate looking stupid if I take a wrong turn. I think it's because I don't want to be judged. Living in Torquay, I see groccles all the time. They come from miles around, to enjoy the seaside. But like most of us who live there, we get annoyed at the Sunday Drivers, who drive so stupidly slow EVERY DAY! In truth, they are just lost, unsure of where things are, but we get angry and it's that judgement that reflects on me when I go to someplace new.
In the future I think I shall try and not feel so self-conscious about walking or changing direction, or indeed getting lost in a new place, but I know for a fact I am not the only one who feels like this. And yet I wonder who else would blog about something so stupid as what I have done just now! :)